The following article was originally printed in the Florida Police Chief. We have had numerous requests for
copies, a special reprint has been exhausted so we have made it available online.
Domestic violence is a horrible reality that prevails in many American homes. Unfortunately, a tragedy
like the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson brings domestic violence sharply into the public eye. Such a
tragedy cruelly demonstrates that domestic violence transcends socio-economic classes and cultural
boundaries. It is a major economic, health, and judicial issue that affects all people.
Over the past ten years our awareness of the existence of family violence, sexual abuse, and neglect has
increased dramatically. Before the 1980's, family violence and sexual abuse cases were rarely reported to
the authorities. Even today, a large number of victims never report these incidents to the authorities. We
never seem to notice family violence until it is reported on the evening news. Then one wonders, "How
could this happen? Why didn't someone notice what was going on?" People in all neighborhoods are
abused and the bruises are never questioned. The stories are easy to believe -- they fell or ran into a door.
Suspicions are easy to justify by saying, "What if I'm wrong?" or "It's not my concern." Yet, an average of
three lives a day are claimed by family violence.
Domestic violence is a truth in society that affects all people. You probably know of someone who is
experiencing or has experienced abuse. Pocketbooks are affected by the dollars spent on providing health
care to these victims. Battering is the single major cause of injury to women .. more frequent than auto
accidents, muggings, and rapes combined. Ninety percent of prison inmates were abused or witnessed
family violence as children.
With this in mind, it is necessary to address the issue of domestic violence and clarify some of the myths and
misconceptions that are common.
Every 15 seconds, someone is battered. Domestic violence kills as many women every five years as the total
number of Americans who died in the Vietnam War... 95-98 percent of all battered victims are women. In
fact, 50 percent of all homeless women and children in this country are fleeing domestic violence.
The family is a place where a child learns about the world. Living in a family where parents are physically
or verbally abusive to each other, a child learns that:
- The world is an unstable and insecure place.
Family violence is a broad heading-- it can include physical mistreatment, sexual abuse, verbal abuse,
psychological/emotional abuse, and neglect. Every member of a family in which abuse occurs is affected. A
husband that abuses his wife may eventually begin to abuse his children. An abused wife may take out her
frustrations and anger on her children. Children who are abused or witness abuse may eventually abuse their
children or elderly parents when they become adults. At the very least these children grow up to become
emotional wastelands.
Family violence is not caused by substance abuse, but is precipitated by it. Substance abuse allows the normal
abusive behavior of a person to have an outlet, an excuse to society for his or her behavior. It is a shame that
as our society becomes a more addictive one, there will be more cases of abuse reported. Statistics show that
80% of abusers have either been physically abused as children or by spouses. This statistic shows that family
violence is a circular chain that can only be broken by education on the problem and direct intervention.
There is a violent crime every 28 seconds in the United States. Professionals in human behavior can't agree
whether 30%, 40% or 50% of all abuse occurs in the home. They do all agree however, that substance abuse
is involved in many cases. They also agree that the amount of family violence actually occurring is unknown.
The victim's fear of more violence, shame, humiliation, frustration, personal guilt, and fear of other's opinions
can be overwhelming. Most victims do not get help. They either don't know where to get help or are afraid.
We all agree that until the abuse stops, there is not a future for the generations to come.
MYTHS AND MISCONCEPTIONS ABOUND:
- Domestic violence primarily occurs to women in the lower socio-economic class. This is simply not
true found to be true. Statistics are derived from women seeking public assistance and safety in
shelters. When a woman has financial resources, she is more apt to stay with friends or use her credit
card for a hotel when fleeing an unsafe situation. Many victims are intelligent and educated women
who are successful in their careers, responsible mothers and active in church and community events.
- Violence does not occur in relationships that appear normal and healthy. The outward appearance
is usually one of the ideal or happy couple. He may accompany her wherever she goes, which is perceived as a loving gesture when, in fact, it is a means of controlling her actions and not allowing her
to function independently. She often feels responsible for his behavior and due to embarrassment and
humiliation she does not feel able to tell anyone about the violence.
- Domestic violence is a private matter that should be resolved without outside intervention. Battered
women are frequently advised to try to work out their difficulties themselves. Without assistance,
continuing to live in an abusive relationship can be the most dangerous course for victims. Abuse is
usually repeated and escalates in severity. It has been proven that marriage counseling and/or
mediated divorce cases are ineffective when one partner is abusive. Breaking the silence and communicating what is happening is the first step in getting help.
- Domestic violence is the beating of a victim. There is much more to domestic violence than the
physical battering. It can take on many shapes and forms. Abuse includes threats, erbal or non-verbal,
swearing, name-calling, social isolation, intimidation, forced sex, accusations of infidelity, destroying
property, lying, extramarital affairs, controlling spending and money, sleep deprivation and making
the other person feel guilty about the children. Many victims will tell you the verbal and emotional
abuse is paralyzing and devastating.
- She must like it or she wouldn't stay. As difficult and confusing as it is to understand, there are many
reasons a woman stays in an abusive relationship. A battered woman frequently faces the mos t
physical danger when she attempts to leave. She may be threatened with violence or even attacked if
she tries to flee. She not only fears for her own safety, but the safety of her children and those who help
her. The fact is that many women are KILLED by their partner when they attempt to leave. She may
not see any options. There may be no where to go and little or no resources, especially if she is
financially dependent on her partner. Because of religious, cultural, or socially learned beliefs, a
woman may feel it is her duty to keep the marriage and the family together at all costs.
A victim also stays because of the promises of change. She wants the violence to end, not the relationship. The
abuser will often show remorse following a battering incident, bringing her flowers and showering her with
attention: Unfortunately, this phase of the battering cycle often does not last. Since domestic violence is kept
secret, the woman often denies and minimizer the severity and frequency of the abuse. Her self-esteem has
been shattered to the point that she often questions her own abilities.
Many factors contribute to the incidence of abuse. Often, abuser can't cope with problems. Here are a few
things to look for:
CHARACTERISTICS OF AN ABUSER
